Taking into consideration the recent incidents of violence against children & child abuse I want to share some of the rules my mom had while we were growing up, which I plan to continue with my kids too.
You might agree or disagree, but here it goes:
I grew up in a joint family with male cousins & uncles of all ages around me. We had male employees too like Qari sahab, Mali, Sweeper etc.
My mom was quite particular about child abuse & here’s what she did to safeguard us:
She told me that only my brother is my real brother and every other “Bhai jaisa Cousin” is a cousin after all.
We were not allowed to go out to play if she was sleeping and couldn’t look after us in any way. If we so wished to play, we could play board games in the next room, from where she could hear us.
She gave me sex education at the age of 9. And told me all about periods & female body around the same time too. So there were no surprises.
We were not supposed to shower or change clothes in front of anyone, including her.
We couldn’t sit in any male relative/friends’ lap or too close. Even when we were small kids.
We couldn’t watch TV or computer if she was sleeping (no idea how effective this would be today).
Unnecessary gifts from anyone, specially male teachers or family friends were returned with due apologies.
We weren’t allowed to sit alone with a male cousin in a room. If you are studying together, it can be in the lounge with everyone around.
Unnecessary communication with any male relative, friend or employee was discouraged.
She would always sit in the next room when Qari Sahab came.
At the end of the day she would ask us about everything that happened that day indirectly asking us if someone touched us inappropriately or was too close or said something strange.
You might have different beliefs & rules at your home. You might agree or disagree with certain things. But please don’t shove child abuse under the rug. It very much exists & usually happens in secure spaces like home by trusted relatives & friends.
The mysterious death game “Blue Whale” also called as “Blue Whale Challenge” has become a sensation these days. The game based on alternate reality (mixture of reality & virtual reality). Some people believe these are just fake rumors whereas some believe it to be true. This game isn’t new, it dates back to 2013. It was released in Russia with “F57” a leading social media registered death group of the VKontkate social network. VK is a popular Russian social networking site. There used to be an online pressure group with the name of F57 on VK social network which had depressive, self-harm & suicidal content. Many teenagers joined that group & it kept gaining popularity within such. The 1st case of suicide was reported in 2015 in Russia. Mother of Rina Palenkova – the 17 years old deceased girl wanted to know the reason of her suicide. She started investigating her social media accounts & contacted some professional social media investigation agencies who found out that the girl was an active member of F57 & she shared depressive content on her VK profile via the F57 online community. Rina got to know about the game “Blue Whale” from the same group. She has posted a status saying “goodbye” & her photo on her VK profile before jumping in front of a train.
It was later discovered that more than 130 Russian teenagers committed suicide due to this group & game. This group has been put down now.
Philipp Budeikin, a 22 years old Russian formerly a psychology student is said to be the inventor of this game who had been a victim of child abuse in his childhood. In an interview he said, “There are people & there is biological waste. Those who do not represent any value for society. Who cause or will cause only harm to society. I was cleaning our society of such people. It started in 2013 when I created F57 [online] community. I’d been thinking through this idea for 5 years. It was necessary to distinguish normal people from biological rubbish.” He calls the players of this games as biological waste who is happy to die.
The game has killed so many teenagers so far. Moreover, this game is not publicly available. The administrators strictly control who can gain access to it. Recent reports suggest that the admins identify their victims & send them the link via social media, which once opened on their phones or computers copies every single data from their devices to the administrator’s & also tracks the victim’s location & activities.
What makes youngsters self-harm & even kill themselves?
The game consists of 50 tasks, .i.e. 50 tasks for 50 days. The tasks in the beginning of the game are easy & interesting. As the levels proceed, the tasks start to become more tough. The administrators of the game provides a new task everyday at 4:20 a.m when the mind is at it’s weakest. The tasks are to be performed on daily basis. A photo or video recording is necessary while doing the given task, since the curators see the photo or video, also they have the access to the player’s phone where they get to see the way those tasks are performed. Once the game is registered, it has to be played & completed. In case, someone denies to perform the given tasks they are sent threat messages by curator. Even the players are told that they’ll kill their parents & family. Therefore the players are forced to play the game even if they want to leave & they end up killing themselves. According to the statistics teenage girls have been effected the most.
According to an international newspaper, Budeikin the ringleader of the Blue Whale game had been jailed in July 2017 in Kresty Jail in Saint Petersburg Russia where he is being held for 3 years for inciting young people to kill themselves.
The dilemma is constant whether imprisonment of the master mind of this suicidal game will actually bring this death game to an end? Or will this continue to spread like wild fire & take lives of more teenagers?
IMPORTANT POINTS FOR ALL:
Similar games like Blue Whale have been created named as, “A Silent House, A Sea of Whales, Wake Me Up at 4:20, Popcorn Carnival.”
Do not click any link(s) sent to you on whatsapp, facebook, twitter or any other social media. Even if the link is sent by a friend.
Parents should keep an eye on their children & their social media accounts & their gadgets & the games they are playing.
If you find anyone playing this game, immediately seek attention to it & report the case.
There is no shame in asking for help. If you feel that you are being attracted to this game or you feel like playing this game, talk to someone about it. You need counselling.
Sucide Prevention Helpline Number for Pakistan created by Sukh Chan Club: 042-35761999
One year back, this day, The Words Craft was launched & was made functional. This is why 1st September is so important to me. Today when I look back & try to remember how it started, it seems so dramatic & I feel sentimental. The idea of having my own blogging website popped up during a phone conversation with a friend come brother. We often have long conversations about life & ideas & other creative stuff. I told him that I wanted to write. He was well-known of my writing skills as I wrote some content back in 2013-14 for his online magazine. So he gave me the idea to start my own blogging website. I was like “Yes! I can do this.” Immediately after the phone call I started jotting down the important points that he told me. I still have that notebook & that is very special to me. I made a list of things & ideas that were needed to materialize. I made a budget plan. Next I thought of a friend who has the similar interests. I called her & told her about the idea. As expected, she was by my side. Next, I started thinking of names for my blog.
At first I decided to name it same as my previous blog which I had on eblogger which was “Pen With Me.” Due to some technical issues I had to come up with another name. “The Words Craft” was the name I finalized & bought the hosting & domain on 19th July 2016. According to the list I made the next task was to design a logo. I sketched a few logos on my notebook but I wasn’t really satisfied. After several tries, the task was given to a professional designer who designed the logo for us. People ask me why I selected such a rare theme colour. The answer is, I wanted the theme colour to be purple as it represents youth, sophistication, royalty & spirituality. By the grace of Allah everything was happening the way I wanted it. Issues began arising when web-designing started. The launching of website was scheduled for the 2nd week of August, which got delayed for some reason. Everything seemed nearly impossible at that time. My morale got totally down & I stopped working, thinking that I won’t be able to do it. Meanwhile, a motivating conversation with my father gave me the courage to keep going. There was a change in plans, web designers, etc & the website got redesigned within 15 days. The test articlewas uploaded on 26th August & on 1st September 2016 The Words Craft was launched officially. Thanks to ZeeshSoft for being a lifesaver & making the impossible totally possible. Thanks to my besties Humal & Faraz, for being there since the beginning to this day. This one year has been incredible. We have a long way to go. I wish my entire team good luck & best wishes!
“Pakistan was created the day when the first Muslim entered the subcontinent.” – Quaid-e-Azam Mohammad Ali Jinnah
This has been one of the historical quotes of Quaid-e-Azam. Haah! Pakistan! My heart aches! It comes to my mouth when I flash back to the making of Pakistan. A journey of 70 years have been a greater drama then the actual day of independence. Pakistan, The Islamic Republic state, is a country where we love each other today as much as we used to. Back in the days everything was difficult & unapproachable but today everything exists at an arm’s length or maybe less.
Pakistan is a nation of 185 million people registered currently by NADRA but I bet there are more Pakistanis yet to be registered. Most Of them live under poverty line & we think we are independent. Independence, is for only those who can buy the flag, wear expensive dresses & brands & join the sale drama played every quarterly. Life is a drama in Pakistan but 14th August is the best day to showcase & stage it. All of the country becomes a theater where everyone’s playing a role of pleasure giving character. The character could be any but we are doomed with it. Somedays it appears, we have got independence only for buying flags, wearing new clothes & for partying. What do we actually do on the rest of days which can prove us to be independent.
We are so far from where we started but where we have reached is unknown to us. Can we ask ourselves certain questions to know where we stand today? Is Pakistan a place of best biologists? Is Pakistan a place of Best mathematician? Is Pakistan a place of Best linguists? But we are independent since 1947. This year make a vow to prove in the next 70 years that we are independent. Let the industry of education be that industry where Pakistan is unbeatable. Yes I know…you will say I haven’t read about that exceptional 66A holder of Pakistan! I am not talking about exceptionals, I want it to be regularity, the casual & the routine. May we all have a wonderful 14th August & 70th year as an independent nation & may we have many more.
In life, the best revenge is actually not taking any revenge at all. It is not even holding on to any anger at all. It is moving on with your life. It is showing them that life is so much better after they are gone. It is easy to blame those that have wronged us, for just about everything that is wrong with our life. If it was not for them, I would be happy. If they did not do this, I would be where I want to be.
Most people get so caught up in blaming that they continue to blame & sabotage their own life, long after the person is gone from their life. Most people hold on to the blame because it is easier than moving on. Having an excuse or story of why they are not where they want to be gets them sympathy from others. The victim role gives them comfort & it is much easier than taking responsibility & moving on with their life. However it is not & will never be a happy place to stay happy.
Those who take responsibility for their life & are wanting to move one & put their past behind them are much more likely to gain freedom, success & happiness. There are horrible people in this world that have done wrong by others. It is not condoning other’s behaviour. It is taking back the power they have from you, when you are the one suffering long after they are gone. Who wins if you keep blaming them? Who wins if you move on, forget about them & create the best life & success you could ever imagine?Who wins if you move on? Who wins if you forget about them? Who wins if you create your best ever life, full of success & abundance? YOU WIN!!
Take back your power. Blame them for, what they have done, but do not blame them for what you have not done. Blame them for what they have done, but bless them for making you even stronger, for making you better. Blame them for what they have done, but thank them for showing you exactly what you do not want. You can blame the world for bringing them into your life, but then grateful for all the lessons it taught you, all the strengths it gave you, all the perspectives it gave you. Know in your heart that if they knew better they would do better. Know in your heart you do not need to take on any of your negative energy. How good does it feel to take that baggage off your shoulders? To focus on building your future. What a blessing! LET GO! MOVE FORWARD. NEVER LOOK BACK.
The best revenge is not taking any revenge. It is simply moving on with your life, creating the best version of yourself.
آج سے چند روز بعد سارا نظام بدل جائے گا۔دوکانوں پر چپس ‘ بسکٹ ‘ ڈبل روٹی‘ انڈے اور بوتلیں سامنے رکھی ہوں گی لیکن سگریٹ چھپا دیے جائیں گے گویا روزہ صرف سگریٹ سے ہی ٹوٹتا ہے۔سارا دن ٹی وی پر مشروبات کے فرحت بخش اشتہارات چلیں گے اورروزہ داروں کا صبر آزمائیں گے۔بڑے بڑے برینڈ اچانک اپنے اشتہارات میں عقیدت کا رنگ بھر لیں گے اور ہر چیز رمضان کا نام لے کر بیچی جائے گی۔افطاری کے قریب ٹی وی پر باتھ روم کلینر کے اشتہارات بمعہ تصویر دکھائے جائیں گے اور بار بار دکھائے جائیں گے۔رمضان کے احترام میں جگہ جگہ ’ڈیزل‘ میں پکے پکوڑوں سموسوں کی دوکانیں کھل جائیں گی ‘ مسجدیں یکدم آباد ہوجائیں گی اورگداگروں کی ٹولیاں ہر طرف گشت کریں گی۔شیطان بند اور انسان آزاد ہوجائیں گے۔دفاتر میں کام ٹھپ ہوجائے گا کیونکہ کچھ لوگوں کو یقین ہے کہ روزہ دار کا حق ہے اگر وہ روزہ رکھے توبے شک کوئی کام نہ کرے لیکن تنخواہ پوری لے۔
کچھ روز بعد ٹریفک بے ہنگم سی ہوجائے گی‘ افطار کے اوقات میں لوگ ہوا کے دوش پر اڑتے نظر آئیں گے‘ چوراہوں پر ٹریفک جام ہوجائے گی‘ سب کو صر ف ایک ہی جلدی ہوگی کہ کسی طرح گھر پہنچ کر افطاری میں شریک ہوجائیں۔پہلے یہ ہوتا تھا کہ جب کوئی کہتا تھا کہ ’میں روزے سے ہوں‘ تو بے اختیار اس کے لیے احترام کے جذبات امڈ پڑتے تھے۔ آج کل جب کوئی یہ جملہ کہتا ہے تو پتا نہیں کیوں یکدم خوف طاری ہوجاتاہے کہ موصو ف کہیں یکدم بھڑک ہی نہ جائیں۔ہمارے محلے میں ایک حاجی صاحب رہتے ہیں جو روزہ رکھ لیں تو پورے محلے کو اندازہ ہوجاتاہے کہ حاجی صاحب روزے سے ہیں ۔ حاجی صاحب کا تقاضہ ہوتا ہے کہ انہیں دوکان پر سب سے پہلے سامان دیا جائے کیونکہ ان کا روزہ ہے‘ سائیکل پر جارہے ہوں تو بیچ سڑک میں چلتے ہیں ‘ گاڑی والا ہارن دے تو گھور کر ایک ہی جواب دیتے ہیں’اوئے۔۔۔میرا روزہ ہے‘۔ لوڈشیڈنگ کی صورت میں بنیان پہن کر گھر کے صحن میں لیٹ جاتے ہیں اور سب بچوں کو حکم دیتے ہیں کہ مجھے زور زور سے پنکھا جھلو‘ میر اروزہ ہے۔مالک مکان کرایہ بھی مانگنے آئے تو یہی جواب دے کر بھگا دیتے ہیں۔
گرمی بہت ہے‘ روزے یقیناًانتہائی سخت ہوں گے‘ ایسے میں حاجی صاحب جیسے کئی لوگوں نے پہلے سے ہی کچھ ضروری انتظامات کرلیے ہیں مثلاً میرے ایک بٹ دوست نے پکا ارادہ کر لیا ہے کہ وہ سحری میں چار بڑے گلاس دہی کی لسی کے پئیں گے تاکہ سارا دن پیاس نہ لگے۔ پچھلی دفعہ بھی انہوں نے ایسا ہی کیا تھا اورایسی خماری چڑھی تھی کہ افطاری کے وقت جب انہیں نیند سے اٹھایا جاتا تو آنکھیں ملتے ہوئے اٹھتے کہ ’ایڈی جلدی دن گذر گیا؟‘‘۔بٹ صاحب افطاری میں دال چاول کا پتیلا لے کر ایک طرف بیٹھ جاتے ہیں اور اکثر تب اٹھتے ہیں جب پتیلے میں سے خود آواز آتی ہے کہ ’بٹ صاحب ہن تے مینوں چھڈ دیو‘۔ایک اور صاحب ہیں جنہیں ہر وقت یہی شبہ رہتا ہے کہ ان کا روزہ ٹوٹ گیا ہے۔روزے کی حالت میں فون کر کرکے دوستوں سے پوچھتے ہیں کہ بیگم پیاز کاٹ رہی تھی‘ آنکھ میں آنسو آگئے‘ روزہ تو نہیں ٹوٹا؟ ۔۔۔ٹی وی لگایا تو اچانک ایک گانے والے چینل پر نظر پڑ گئی‘ روزہ تو نہیں ٹوٹا؟۔۔۔گھرمیں بریانی پک رہی ہے‘ دیکھ کر منہ میں پانی آگیا‘ روزہ تو نہیں ٹوٹا؟۔۔۔مجھے حسرت ہی رہی کہ کاش کبھی ان کے منہ سے یہ بھی سننے کو ملے کہ آج میں نے بچے سے کہہ دیا کہ باہر جاکر محلے دار سے کہہ دو میں گھر پر نہیں ہوں‘ روزہ تو نہیں ٹوٹا؟۔۔۔میں نے تین سو روپے میٹر والا کپڑا بارہ سو روپے میٹر میں فروخت کیا‘ روزہ تو نہیں ٹوٹا؟۔۔۔میں نے کل کے باسی سموسے پکوڑے اپنی ماسی کو دے دیے‘ روزہ تو نہیں ٹوٹا۔۔۔میں نے ساری رات کنڈا لگا کر اے سی چلایا‘ روزہ تو نہیں ٹوٹا؟۔۔۔میں نے صبح کی نماز میں ایک بچے کو دھکا دے کر پچھلی صف کی طرف دھکیل دیا‘ روزہ تو نہیں ٹوٹا؟۔۔۔میں نے اپنے غیر مسلم ملازم کو سارا دن بھوکا پیاسارکھا‘ روزہ تو نہیں ٹوٹا۔۔۔ہوسکتا ہے ان چیزوں سے روزہ نہ ٹوٹتا ہو‘ بہرحال کسی کا دل ضرور ٹوٹ جاتاہے۔
بچپن میں مولوی صاحب ہمیں پڑھایا کرتے تھے کہ روزے کی حالت میں بھوکا پیاسا رہ کر انسا ن کو غریب کی حالت کا احساس ہوتاہے۔ لیکن ہمیں تو اپنی بھوک پیاس مار دیتی ہے کسی کی طرف خاک دھیان جانا ہے۔اصولی طور پر ماہ رمضان میں ہر گھر میں راشن کی مقدار کم ہوجانی چاہیے لیکن اس کے الٹ ہوتاہے۔آپ کبھی حساب لگا کر دیکھئے گا‘ بھوک پیاس کے اِس مہینے میں سب سے زیادہ کھایا جاتاہے۔لوگ بھوک پیاس کو برداشت کرنے کی بجائے اس کے حل ڈھونڈنے میں لگے رہتے ہیں۔پچھلے دنوں فیس بک پر ایک اشتہار دیکھا جس میں دعویٰ کیا گیاتھا کہ ایک گولی کھانے سے آپ کو سارا دن بھوک پیاس نہیں لگے گی لہذا رمضان میں یہ گولی مسلمانوں کے لیے تحفے سے کم نہیں۔ بندہ پوچھے اگر بھوک پیاس ہی نہ لگی تو روزہ کیسا؟ ؟؟ بھائی جی! روزہ رکھنا ہے‘ روزے کو شکست نہیں دینی۔۔۔
وہ لوگ جن کا حقیقی روزہ ہوگا ان کی پہچان بڑی آسان ہے۔۔۔یہ کبھی کسی سے نہیں پوچھیں گے کہ تمہارا روزہ ہے؟۔۔۔یہ تھکے ہوئے بھی نظر نہیں آئیں گے۔۔۔کسی بے روزہ دار کو کھاتے پیتے دیکھ کر اِن پر لرزہ طاری نہیں ہوگا۔۔۔نماز کی صورت میں یہ کسی کو بتائے بغیر خاموشی سے دفتر کے دوسرے کمرے میں جائیں گے اور نماز ادا کرکے واپس اپنی نشست پر آجائیں گے۔یہ گاڑی بھی بڑے سکون سے چلائیں گے ۔دورانِ ڈرائیونگ افطاری کی صورت میں گاڑی ایک طرف روکیں گے ‘ ڈیش بورڈ پر پڑی کھجور کھا کرپانی پئیں گے اور اطمینان سے دوبارہ گھر کی طرف چل پڑیں گے۔۔۔یہ سحری بھی اُتنی ہی کرتے ہیں جتنا عام دنوں میں ناشتہ کرتے ہیں۔۔۔افطاری کے وقت بھی پکوڑوں سموسوں کا انبار کھانے کی بجائے پیاس بجھائیں گے اور کچھ دیر بعد معمول کے مطابق رات کا کھانا کھائیں گے۔۔۔ان کے چہرے پر آپ کو بیزاریت کی بجائے بشاشت نظر آئے گی۔۔۔یہی وہ لوگ ہیں جو روزے رکھتے ہیں‘ بھگتاتے نہیں۔۔۔یہ سحری کھاتے نہیں کرتے ہیں۔۔۔دفتر کا کام مزید بہتر طریقے سے کرنے کی کوشش کرتے ہیں۔۔۔یہ تعداد کم ہے لیکن اتنی بھی کم نہیں۔ ان کے برعکس وہ لوگ توآپ نے دیکھے ہی ہوں گے جو سحری کے وقت پوری طرح چوکنے رہتے ہیں کہ اذان کے قریب فٹا فٹ دو تین گلاس پانی کے پی لیں اور افطاری کے وقت آستینیں چڑھا لیں۔۔۔
P.S. Special thanks to Mr. Shahid Ansari for sharing this content!
Being a fashion designer is not an easy task. Every profession needs hard work & dedication. Apart from that, a quality time at work is very important to achieve success. These days I am very busy & frustrated due to work. I literally shout on my employees as I am very stressed to meet the deadlines. This week is full of very hustle bustle due to the new collection launch. What makes me even more frustrated is the lack of discipline that I currently observe at my boutique. I am very disappointed at my workers. I had no meal since morning. I do not even have a second to sit & relax. Currently nothing can please me more than a satisfying customer & a good word of mouth. I aim to work all day & night because success tastes so good. A client needs a dress which is out of the stock. I informed my staff about the demand, but still the staff has not arranged the dress. The client is coming to collect the dress in a while. I have no idea what will happen next. My staff can suspect too many emotions inside me. I am angry, I am worried, I am stressed, I am tired & a lot more. I have never been so worried in my life before. I was thinking about my boutique… It was my dream once & now it is my life. I can not let it’s image ruin. I was lost in my own thoughts when suddenly I heard the alarm ring. Getting back to my senses I realized it was just a dream & I was sleeping in my bed without any worries. I realized I am not a fashion designer. I have orders to fulfill & no requirements to meet.
I started wondering, “Does success or failure really matters when everything has to end anyway? Why is there a need to worry, even if that is for a few minutes? The role that we play in a particular situation or time, is that really our actual role?”
I do not work in reality. My reality is very different from my dream. We all play different roles in different situations. We see hundreds of dreams. We call some dreams good, some bad & sometimes we do not even remember the dreams after waking up. The weirdest thing is that we can feel in the dreams. Sometimes we wake up feeling weird about someone or something after we see a dream. But do we care about the feelings or what happened in the dream? No. Because it was just a dream & we do not have control over it. Now take a moment & think about your life. Life is also like a dream. All that has passed feels like a dream. We run behind so many things. We want fame, success, money, recognition, luxuries & many more. The cost of achieving all these things are sleepless nights, skipping family functions, lack of bonding with friends & less time spent with the loved ones. Stress & anxiety are a companions on the way. Life is exactly like the dream which is going to end anyway, no matter what we do. We get stressed over little things. Everyday is a race for something different in which we play a different role every other day, every other moment. Now if you look back at moments in the past you will feel weird for feeling so worried back in the past. You would have never worried if you knew every thing will be perfectly alright. Life is a dream where every day every moment we play a different role. We need to understand that all problems, all stress, all worries are just for a limited time. Therefore, do not occupy your mind with worries as this moment will be a dream tomorrow.
All life is temporary. Why worry about anything that is only temporary!
Heartiest apologies to my readers! This is the longest time ever that I haven’t posted in a while. I was busy with my family & stuff, a lot has been going on. My father had a brain hemorrhage & he was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm in November & he underwent surgical clipping that was a 9 hours long procedure. We were in the hospital for about a month, away from home, in another city. It was a very hard time. Alhamdulilah! By the grace of Allah (S.W.T) the surgery & treatment went successful.
As soon as we returned home, my exams were about to start in a week. I had to complete my thesis as well. Everything was completely messed up. I needed time to cope up with everything, therefore I took a long break from my blogging & social media. But now I am back with a bang, planning to start my youtube channel based on beauty & makeup. I have been dying to do this since years. Currently I am working on starting my channel, also I will be posting 3-4 posts a week now. Also I will be posting an article on BRAIN ANEURYSMS in collaboration with Dr. Faraz Khan for you people to know what aneurysm is. I believe it is always good to have knowledge about things, specially health.