THE GRACE OF DELICACY


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A woman is the most vulnerable yet the strongest element of our society. She is fragile physically, yet stronger than a man. Unfortunately, women are taught to stay dependent on a man for everything, since early age. The idea of staying dependent is not bad, nor are we against it. Agreed, a woman is precious, she should be taken care of. But the idea of being dependent on a man is so strongly fed in minds of the girls that they never grow up to become a person they really want to be & this ends up suppressing all the good qualities. Girls grow up to become woman with a feeling of being inferior.

            Not only this, but boys grow up to be men with the same mind set. They marry a female with the thought that they are doing a favor to her, by marrying her. But let’s think about this…  A woman changes her name, changes her home, leaves her family, moves in with you, builds a home with you, gets pregnant for you, bears children for you. Pregnancy destroys her body. She gets fat. Almost give up in the labor room due to the pain. Even the kids she delivers bear your name. Till the day she dies, everything she does benefits you, so who is really doing a favor?

            While a man stays in the same home, lives with his parents. Though a woman marries the man but takes care of all his family, which is not an obligation, but she still does it. She bears the anger, bad behavior, live in all conditions with you, always stays & dedicates her existence for you.

“Woman is a delicate creature with strong emotions, who has been created by the Almighty God to shoulder responsibility for educating society & moving towards perfection. God created woman as a symbol of His own beauty & to give solace to her partner & her family.”
– Imam Ali (A.S)

            A woman plays several roles in her life time. A daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a home maker, a care taker & a lot more. A woman easily adapts to any role that is required. It is said that whatever you give a woman, she is going to multiply it. If you give her a smile, she will give you her heart. If you give her give her house, she will give you a home. If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal. If you give her sperm, she will give you a baby. She multiplies & enlarges what is given to her.

            As a mother a woman bears up to 57 Del (unit) of pain, which is similar to 20 bones getting fractured at a time, whereas a human body can bear up to 45 Del of pain. As a daughter she is an advantage, as a sister she is the care taker & respect, as a wife she is a soulmate & partner, as a mother she is a paradise. A woman has major roles to play, without which life is tasteless.

            Basically, it is a cycle, a role that is passed on… So try to be a better player of your life & a role model for your children. It is the law of nature, whatever you do comes back to you in the same or some other shape. So be careful when dealing with women!

“If the eyes of a female cry over a man that oppressed her, the angles will curse him with every step he walks.”
– Imam Ali Ibn Abi Talib (A.S)

THE VAMPIRE LADY

“Her soul was too deep to explore by those who always swam in the shallow end.”

            It is said that women are the most beautiful creatures of this world. And these beautiful creatures are often seen beautifying themselves even more. But what if they are seen modifying themselves in unconventional ways?

This reminded me of a sentence I read somewhere; “We are all stories in the end!”

            The only difference is, some of us remain unheard, unseen & unknown for life. While few of us decide to be the story’s hero & end up being known for the attempt of surviving through the odds!

            The Vampire Lady is one such lady who decided to be her own hero. Maria Jose Cristerna Mendez is a Mexican lady who is famous for the most tattoos & body modifications. She holds the Guinness World Record for female with the most tattoos & body modifications. She has 49 body modifications which almost covers more than 90% of her body with tattoos, ink, piercings & titanium horns & fangs implants. Maria is a 36 years old, former lawyer, mother of 4 children, belonging from a Christian Catholic family, currently a professional video jockey, also a lecturer in women’s support group, awareness raiser, speaker & helper against domestic violence.


Before & After
Before & After

            The question arises, why would a woman modify or recreate herself like that? There must be something that must be going on in her mind, something that made her to be like that. People know her for her terrifying looks that are associated with a devil or vampire. But few people know what made her like that… An abusive & drug addict life partner!

            Maria lived for 10 years with an abusive & drug addicted husband until she found the courage to take their 4 children & leave him. The 10 years or living with a mentally & physically abusing person changed her internally & her perspective for self & the world. Dwelling in a society which is known for strong gang culture & different sorts of abuse on women, she spent a long time period with a spouse who was abusive & violent, felt helpless but finally build courage to help herself & others going through the same situation.  According to her, the piercing & tattoos is a way of expressing herself which symbolizes the 10 years of suffering & a different way of recovering from the trauma of abuse.

             In spite of her looks, even today she says that she is a traditional woman like the other who look after her family. Currently she is married to another man namely David who has accepted her the way she is. They have been living together for 10 years together now. He has also helped Maria in opening & managing the tattoo parlour & a boutique offering Goth clothing & accessories. Maria is now spending a normal life just like other woman. She cooks, takes care of her family & does whatever she likes.

            Women belonging from any race, society or culture is directly or indirectly affected by their husband’s behaviour. This is not only seen in the Asian culture where women are considered to be more dependent on their spouse, but almost in every race, religion, culture, etc. Marriage is a sacred relation which bonds two different people in beautiful threads of respect, love, care & trust. If it is mishandled things fall apart, either of the partner or both maybe adversely effected by it. It was a man who changed her perspective for her own self, life & the world around her. It is a man who is supporting her in recovering from the trauma, apart from her own will power. It takes a real man to realize that he made a mistake but an even better one to try to make things right.  But most importantly for a woman her entire life can change. The society ends up judging & pointing out the woman which makes it even harder for a woman to move on. This is just one story that is bought forward, but there millions of real life stories where women have been living in abusive relationships. But there are few people who choose to be their own hero. But the fact is that every tragic incident or even a moment of suffering leaves a huge impact on the person. This is more prominently seen in case of women. Maria Jose Christine is just one example. There are many unheard & unseen examples that we do not know about. And we should be respecting the people who fight for themselves in spite of all odds without judging them, especially in case of women.

“I like stories where women save themselves!”

IF MEN IN BLACK THEN WOMEN IN WHITE – REFLECTIONS

Myths are a certain type of stories that are made by people to believe into while it is also passed over generations. One such myth has always been that, “A woman is the reflection of her man.” If the statement stands to be true then all man should be black & all women should be white, as black is the color that absorbs every beam of light while white reflects them all. Keeping this in mind that whatever a man absorbs or precisely what a man possesses in himself turns out to be the reflection shown in the woman he aligns or accompanies with. If that is true, then all women must be Godesses. If man are regarded as “Majazi Khuda” in our society.

            Since the advent of the concept about man & woman as separate entities has prevailed. It has become difficult to decide as to whether who is who & what is what. The blame game of both the genders has created a havoc of disharmony in the world. None out of both is willing to admit & give away a certain service demanded by one to the other. Each one is so busy in asking & demanding that the hands of giving are in scarcity while the mouths to ask are in surplus. This situation clearly creates a condition which Gandhi defined as, “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.” A woman by the myth mentioned above appears to be the reflection of what a man absorbs in his personality. An arabic proverb says, “When a women is loved correctly she becomes ten times the women she was before.” It is near to impossible for a woman to be loved correctly in a surplus of women in the world by the number of 4.2 billion when men are only 3.3 billion.

            It is said, “Ignorance is the key to all success” which means both men & women have to learn the art of ignorance only by which the world will know peace & harmony.

            Sri Chimnoy has rightly said; “Unless & until we have peace deep within us, we can never hope to have peace in the outer world. You & I create the world by the vibrations that we offer to it. If we can invoke peace & then offer it to somebody else, we will see how peace expands from one to two persons & gradually to the world at large. Peace will come about in the world from the perfection of individuals. If you have peace, I have peace, he has peace & she has peace, then automatically universal peace will dawn.”

            World is the balance of woman & man in the world. Without both of them world cannot survive gracefully. Both man & woman should respect their differences & must give breathing space to eachother in order to grow. Both woman & man are reflections of each other, both interchange their places of role performance when necessary hence both must appreciate & admit each other’s importance & grow with the maturity of mutual respect because children are their prism & mirror who follow in their footsteps.

“The woman is the reflection of her man.
If you love her to the point of madness, she will become it.”
– Brad Pitt

WOMAN… PERCEIVED AS A THREAT BY A WEAK MAN WHILST A STRENGTH BY A STRONG MAN!

“Once there used to live
Pessimist & Optimist
Idealists & Realists
Philosophers & Practitioners
Feminists & Chauvinists together successfully.
Because their love for each other was greater than their love for themselves.”

            Women is a word from which some derive meaning as “Wow of men” or “Woe without men.” It is extremely based on ones own perception about women. Women around the world appear as the reflection of what one desires to see in her. A weak man sees threats whilst a brave man sees strength.

Lisa Kleypas said, ” A well read woman is a dangerous creature.”

            In her view, woman is one the creations of God & their learning is as important as that of another. On the other hand a famous writer Leo Tolstoy feels the need of woman in a society by saying, “Nothing is better for a youngster than the company of old wise woman.” By youngster he means a young learning boy & by wise woman what he really means is a woman with strong character. As one can see character have long been an illusion to guide or rather misguide one from perceiving woman as human based on the fact that she has to deliver a certain discipline of wisdom imposed by OTHERS!

            Women all around the world are expected to deliver a certain code of conduct towards society baffled by the idea i.e. women & only women are responsible for the betterment of society. A society where women are fighting for dignity, respect, recognition, realization, encouragement & understanding of being a human but they are being judged & condemned by men not delivering as desired by the society, yet women are responsible for the betterment of society. If women are responsible for the betterment of society then why are not women encouraged to participate in a society?

A question that has always remained a mystery!

            Subsequently, for the amazement of society women are fighting for their rights – to be appropriate basic human rights as characterized by Maslow – in the society for the society with the society & still women are responsible for the betterment of society.

            History reveals that women have always played significant role in all walks of life side by side men to make this society a successful society. The ecosystem of the earth requires not the men or women but rather the manhood & womanhood which are characteristics of human to make this world a better place. Both man & woman are required to play the role of human yet each human irrespective of gender has the capabilities of both manhood & womanhood.

            Unless man in a society understands the importance of womanhood no society can flourish swiftly & vice versa..!

“Women are the real architects of the society!”

YOU CAN NOT BEAT HER LIGHTLY!


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The Council of Islamic Ideology recently proposed a model on the women’s protection bill which has gained a lot of attention on media these days. “You can beat her lightly” has made it the center of attention & discussion these days.

Living in a male dominant society like Pakistan where it is believed that men are always right; “You can beat her lightly” has adversely effected the minds of people of Pakistan where a huge number of population is either illiterate or less literate to differentiate & differentiate between right or wrong. I see news & posts on social media that show men physically torturing their wives just because “you can beat her lightly.”

Conveying partial information is dangerous. It makes people believe they know enough to take a decision. Here is the Ayah quoted that states the complete details regarding “you can beat her lightly” under which conditions:

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).”
– The Holy Quran; 4:34-36

Wife beating is prohibited in Islam, until & unless she is disloyal. Even the kind of beating has been specified .i.e. that doesn’t leave bruises on her body. Islam permits men & women to divorce each other, therefore setting the ways apart is a better option than domestic violence.

Narrated by Mu’awiyah al-Qushayri:
“I went to the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) & asked him; what do you say (command) about our wives? He replied; give them food what you have for yourself & clothe them by which you clothe yourself & do not beat them & do not revile them.”
– Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Number 2139

If we look back to the years even before Islam existed, women had no respect no value. Daughters were buried alive. But after Islam came women were given a value, respect & honor. Then how can Islam permit wife beating.

Islam justifies wife beating as wrong. So, YOU CAN NOT BEAT HER LIGHTLY!

“The best of you are those who are best to their wives!”
Narrated by Al-Tirmidhi, 3895; Ibn Maajah, 1977; classed as saheeh by Al-Albaani in Saheeh Al-Tirmidhi.